Wednesday, August 29, 2012

SEC College Football Opener: South Carolina vs. Vanderbilt Predictions

While hosting a client happy hour in St. Louis last night, I turned to my colleague and said, “dude, we’re going to be sooo hungover at 7am tomorrow.”  Then, something amazing happened.  Just as Babe Ruth famously called his shot in October of 1932, my hangover prediction became a reality.  It was at that point that I realized two things: 1) I’m better than Babe Ruth and 2.) I have an amazing gift and would be doing the world a major disservice if I didn’t use my powers for the greater good of man.  I’m talking, of course, about predicting college football games.

Therefore, I’ll be using BR as a platform to unveil various prophecies throughout the year, starting with the NCAA college football season opener.  Tomorrow, the South Carolina Gamecocks will hop, skip, and jump from Columbia to Nashville to take on the Vanderbilt Commodores in the first SEC matchup of the year.  So, gather around my brothers and sisters.  Here’s how it’s all going to go down…

10:30am, Thursday, August 30th 2012

American Airlines flight 4081 from Chicago to Nashville lands, delivering a rowdy band of Midwestern Gamecocks to a day/evening of football spectating and honky-tonking through the streets of Nash-Vegas.  Shortly after, a protest forms out of a disgruntled pair of AA flight attendants, several peeved 4081 passengers, and a handful of O’Hare TSA agents.  Their efforts ultimately result in an alteration of some national transportation rules/regulations pertaining to alcohol consumption, making “loud rooster crows” during flight, and attempting to board a 757 carrying a gigantic “Gamecocks are #1” foam finger.

7:00pm, Thursday, August 30th 2012  

Just before kickoff, ESPN announcers acknowledge that America’s football community has unanimously agreed that Vanderbilt wins title of ‘best SEC tailgating’ after a Twitter-documented (@PatZackDavis) crawl through the city’s honky-tonks and tailgates, led by yours truly, goes viral. 

8:10pm, Thursday, August 30th 2012

After a few missed plays by South Carolina’s youthful secondary, Connor Shaw takes the final snap of the first half with the Commodores up by 10 points.  Shaw hands the ball off to Marcus Lattimore who takes it to the house, bringing the Gamecocks within a field goal going into the half.  Jogging towards the locker rooms, Steve Spurrier has the following to say:  “Well, we got play a heck of a lot better ball in the second half, that’s for sure.  Our offense needs to keep the ball a lil’ bit longer and let our defensive guys rest a bit.  But anyway, there’s a lot of ball left to play.  Yep.”

10:00pm, Thursday, August 30th 2012

Steve Spurrier, Connor Shaw, and Jadeveon Clowney walk into the press room after a 31-17 win over Vanderbilt.  The following post-game interview transpires:

Spurrier:  Good win for the Gamecocks.  Obviously our defense came out in the second half and did a heck of job out there.  Had some good runs, Marcus and Conner both had some good runs… Kenny Miles!  Kenny came in and ran some good plays for us too. We were able to give the defense a little more time to get settled out there and ended up making some big plays for us.  But anyway, we got a lot we gotta work on for next week against East Carolina.

Journalist A:  Jadeveon, on that third sack it looked like you were whispering something in Jordan Rogers ear.  What were you saying.

Clowney:  I told him to tell his brother I’d see him in a couple years and that HE was next.

Journalist B:  This next question is for Connor Shaw.  Connor, why do you think….

Spurrier:  Ron Morris, how in the heck did you get in here?!  You go on an GET!  Y’hear me?  GET!!

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